went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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