I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
