what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
