I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
