oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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