I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize