he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
