we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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