I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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