Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
