There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
