would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
