She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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