That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
