I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
