fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
