It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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