I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
