there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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