that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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