I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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