Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
