the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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