did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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