you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
