I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
