So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
