Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
God, I missed his penis.
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