Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
