jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
