Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize