dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
