Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
