mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize