Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize