So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
