I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
