Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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