Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Drake has all the answers
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize