Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
do nipples grow back?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
