two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
