Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
