my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
