Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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