I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Two words: blizzard sex
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
