It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hippo gnu deer
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
