He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We are all done wearing pants today
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
