you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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Randomize
