At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Randomize
