I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
