I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
