Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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