And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
