I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
