dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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