Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
