that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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