he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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