We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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