its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize