Nicole vs. Life
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
