so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize