I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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