so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
