She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
