So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
