this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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