go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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