She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
