i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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