I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
