Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
it hurts more in the daytime
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
