Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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