im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
