God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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