Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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