So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
