areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
