I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
