someone threw a dead crab at me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
