omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
