I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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