Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
