Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
