And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why do cheetos always look like penises
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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