Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
