I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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