Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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