We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
