My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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