hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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