My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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