Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
