It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
im six kinds of drunk right now
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
