i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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