Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize