i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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