Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
