I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
