haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
