Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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