There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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