i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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