I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
