so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
