I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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