Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We have started to decorate penises.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
