I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
